Goodnight, I Love You.

"Wedding Bed, Nürenberger Eck, Berlin, 1997". Photogrpahed by Nan Goldin.

This one is an oldie ...

On my bedroom ceiling a previous occupant has inscribed in pencil "goodnight, i love you" right above where I sleep. Apparently a young, married couple lived in the room a little while ago and wrote it there. Perhaps they wrote it to remind themselves of their loving bond. It is quite sweet really when you think of such a silly thing thats written roughly on a white ceiling. I see it every night and smile.

Lately, its made me think, and ask the question, when will I be at such a stage? With work and everything else flying around me, that part of my life just doesn’t work right now. It may be because I’m tired of it, don’t really have the energy nor commitment to developing a connection with somebody. But, when it happens, you find the time, you find the commitment and the energy. When you’re in love. And I’m not even sure what that is right now. I find with most encounters I am disconnected. It’s getting to a point where I just know things will not work out, quite early in the game and without leading anybody on I just move on, envelop myself in work (which isn’t hard right now). I worry that it will be too late, and I feel my emotional maturity would be too used to being alone.

Letting somebody else in is easy, at least I think it is. It’s the connection that should be right and you should know, very early that it works. As I prepare myself to leave this house, I wonder if there will be a time when I leave a place to go share a home with somebody I love. Its a romantic idea and eventually I know I really want this. I want to go down on one knee and propose. Build a real life together. Thats all.